Yesterday, was my best friend’s of over 20 years birthday. As the years have gone by I truly appreciate our friendship because it’s a rare and beautiful thing, to have a friend for that many years. Often times when we’re young and through trial and error, many of us find out the difference between our true friends and associates. In my opinion, it’s easier to be an associate, someone who’s there with you to hang out, party, go shopping with, workout at the gym, you know all the good times, but it’s harder to be a friend. However, many of us engage in these kind of activities with our real friends, so how can you really tell who’s true and who’s not? Well, here are several ways that have helped me discern between the two.
One way I was able to tell the difference is between the two are by observing and realizing who really rooted for me. My friends were always the ones who wanted me to succeed even if they weren’t. They were there to give me encouragement, inspiration, motivation, to always uplift me, pray with me, and were always there to celebrate my achievements and accomplishments. A true friend is someone who wants you to make it, in spite of it all. They’re not jealous or envious, but truly happy for you. They’ll help you out in any way they can and support your dreams and passions when no one else will, or when people may think they’re silly or unattainable. Because, a real friend knows that if one wins, we ALL win.
Who is that one person that you can always call when you need something? It doesn’t matter what it is, what time of the day, they’re there. I mean it can be 2am, you’re stranded in the boonies (middle of nowhere) and you can call your friend and they will come get you. The friend you can call crying in the middle of the night, and they will answer the phone, asking who the hell did it, and do you want me to beat them up?! They’ll even ugly cry and laugh with you until tears come out your eyes. A true friend will be there no matter the situation. They are there through the best times and the worst times of your life. Real friends don’t leave, or waver when times get tough, they stick it out and ride with you through the very end.
No matter how much time or distance is between you and your friends you will always make time to catch up with one another. I get it, life happens sometimes and you may not always talk as often as you did before. But, when you do talk you pickup where you left off, like nothing ever happened. Conversations from days, weeks, and months ago will continue on like it was yesterday. Real friends call and make time for each other. It’s not one-sided. If your the friend who’s always calling, texting, or trying to making plans with the other, and the roles are never reversed, then that’s not a real friend. The feeling should be mutual and shouldn’t be forced. People will always make time for the people and things they truly care about.
4. It’s Us Against the World
Sometimes we may have friends that our best friends may not like or we may have to associate with someone they’re not fond of. For example, your cousin’s best friend is your best friend’s arch nemesis and there’s just no way, you can not be around you’re cousin so what the heck do you do. I’ll tell you what do, a true friend will NOT allow someone else to talk about, disrespect, or even roll their eyes at you (okay that last one we may not have any control over but you get the point lol) whether you’re around or not. Friends defend one another, their loyal to the very end. Even if you’re wrong, they’ve still got your back.
Okay, if you’re going out in a hideous outfit or those ugly looking shoes your real friends will tell you the truth and send you back in to change lol. An associate doesn’t care what you look like. Heck, they may even lie to you and say, “Hey girl! That looks great!” and then let you go out looking all crazy so they can try and outshine you or secretly laugh at you inside. They’ll tell you that guy you’re dating is a jerk, but they’ll still love and support you anyway, but if they make you cry you’ll be waiting (inserts evil eye). A true friend will always keep it real with you even if you may not like what they have to say. They won’t lie to you or be fake. They’ll tell you because they love you and always have your best interest at heart.
Unfortunately, most of the time my associates were always fluey (inconsistent). One minute they were fine and all buddy, buddy with me, and other times they would act like they didn’t want to be bothered. If they’re other friends came around, they may treat me differently or only want me around as a last minute resort. They may be there for me sometimes, and other times they wouldn’t answer the phone and ignore my calls. My associates may have even talked shi*t on me one minute, try to pin my other friends against me the next, and then try to be my friend. Real friends are consistent. If you have to worry about how that person is going to be today vs. tomorrow, or every time the wind blows they switch up, then I’m sorry, but they’re not your real friends.
So at the end of the day, you can see why it’s super important to realize the difference between the two. Associates are people who act like they care when they really don’t, they’re flat out fake, with suspicious character to say the least. They’ll act like they’re for you, when they’re secretly plotting for you fail. If any of you feel like this happens with any of your “friends”, then I encourage you to re-evaluate your friendship. Because, with so much going on in our lives a fake, fluey friend is the last person you want on your team. We want to surround ourselves with people who love the real us, aren’t putting us down, and have our best interest at heart. Real friends are hard to come by these days, but when you find them hold onto them. Love and cherish your relationship and bond, because that is something truly special.