Queens Uplift Queens

Have you ever witnessed or been a victim of woman bashing? It can be a woman at work who doesn’t want you or another female to get ahead or when you tell a female friend about your success only to get secretly hated on. It made me wonder why we as women tear one another down instead of building each other up. I’m not talking about the “you came for me, I’m coming for you”, telling jokes, giving another woman constructive criticism, or even cussing about women in song lyrics because, let’s be clear we all listen to them and Cardi B is my favorite rapper of all time, Owww! (in her voice).

No, I’m talking about when we see or hear another woman intentionally tearing down another who may not be like them or act according to their standards. Hating someone and hating on them are two different things. As I’ve evolved and continue to grow, I shy further away from this behavior. What gives us the right to judge another woman or someone in general for that matter? How does hating on someone else’s success help us become successful ourselves? Everyone has fell victim to woman bashing or even partaken in the act itself (guilty as charged). As I think back on past situations consisting of woman bashing, here are some of the most common scenarios I remember or see it occurring:

  1. Hating on Each Other’s Success

As I get older, I find this most common in the work place. When you tell someone you’re applying for a certain job, they may secretly not want you to get ahead or further than them, try sabotaging you so you’re not considered for positions, or become jealous when you get a position they believe they should have received. I often wonder, why sis? Like am I or another female that much of a threat to you that you need to throw someone under the bus to get ahead or make yourself stand out more? Even if another woman was less qualified than you for a certain position, think of it as a good thing (sometimes easier said than done). God didn’t see that position fit for you. Maybe there were unforeseen circumstances down the line that he’s aware of and thought it’s not for you and has something better in mind. There’s no need to be in competition with one another. What God has for you is for you and there’s nothing that can be done to change that. Instead of competing with one another we should help one another to get ahead. After all, there’s enough pie for all of us to eat.

2. Insulting Each Other

Do you know how many times I go on social media and watch an immature discussion between Petty Labelle and Petty Wap? Too many times to count.  We can all be petty at some point I’m unsure, maybe not in that circumstance I’m sure, but it happens. However, what is the point of talking smack about each other, especially between screens? Most of the time when I witness these conversations it’s over something dumb. Either fight and get it over with or be mature and agree to disagree and move on. If you don’t like someone, don’t speak to them. Plain and simple. Tearing someone down is wasted time and energy that could be focused into making you the best you. Don’t waste it.

3. Undermining Women’s Intelligence

Why are women always trying to make another feel stupid? Maybe they really didn’t know the answer or they’re more street smart than book smart. Everyone has that one subject, maybe several that they weren’t that great in, like math or english, but they’re better in others like social studies or science. Instead of putting each other down empower one another. Where you have weaknesses another has strengths. Pair up together to mentor one another and share knowledge amongst each other, instead of always calling them out with no solution. Some women think they’re better than other’s because they went to college, graduated Summa Cum Laude, etc. I’m all for a female’s accomplishments but, we don’t have look down on others that didn’t accomplish those goals or hate on those that have. Some of the world’s greatest people didn’t finish high school and/college.

4. Belittling Lifestyles

You know, I find this common with the female stripper sterotype. Everyone thinks because a female is a stripper they’re a hoe, whore, slut, prostitute, etc. Just because someone has a lifestyle you may not find suitable for yourself, doesn’t give you the right to judge them. That female may be a stripper at night, mom, and college student by day. You don’t know a person’s struggle. They may really only dance and not engage in sexual activity at the club. So, unless you’re right there and know their business or going to help them find a different job that pays all their bills, we have no right to judge. I also notice this with lifestyles people live in general. If someone values their Luis Vuitton and Gucci bags let them, if someone wants to wear FuBu that’s great too. As I get older, for me materialistic things don’t matter as much as they did when I was younger, but if they do matter to someone else great. Don’t hate on their lifestyle, let them live and be great.

5. Body Shaming 

Okay, so everyone can’t be a size 0, 2, 6, be thick, or have a big butt and perky breasts. Well, I guess technically you can with plastic surgery, but I know I don’t have money for that lol. My point is, why intentionally shame a woman because she doesn’t have the body you want her to have? Or she has the body you want due to plastic surgery. If a female is comfortable with themselves and the skin they’re in, then let them be great. If they like it, I love it. Not everyone’s eyebrows can be on fleek and all makeup can’t look like it was beat by the gods. Some women don’t wear makeup or know how to apply it  and are learning (I still watch YouTube okay). It’s a personal preference. Just because you look or dress a certain way, doesn’t mean someone else has too.

At the end of the day, we call come from different walks of life and I too am guilty of woman bashing at some point. But, now I call myself out even when I start to think in that mind frame and hold myself accountable. I want to set the tone for current generations after me, to feel comfortable being themselves, encourage them to stand out in a crowd full of ordinaries, and let them know they can celebrate their accomplishments and other’s. Let’s do more to encourage, uplift, empower, nurture, and transform one another into greatness and do less judging and stepping on each other to get there. After all, queens see and respect other queens for their hustle and grind because God knows we can ALL win.

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