Motherhood

You’re Not Gonna Be Young Forever: When Are You Having More Kids?

I don’t know if any of you have children or are unexpectedly pregnant, but for right now I only have one child, whom I love dearly. However, I always get asked when I’m going to have a second child, often hearing comments like, “You’re not going be young forever”, “What are you waiting for?” “Don’t you want to give him a sibling?” What some people don’t understand is that when I got pregnant I was fairly young and it required a lot change, responsibility, and hard work. I had to balance my motherly duties, work full-time to get my career off the ground, finish college, go to grad school, while trying to find time to do the things I love to enjoy like spending time with my loved ones, travel, and any other hobbies/interests. I’m honestly unsure if my significant other and I will ever have more children, but these are some I feelings I have regarding having more children:

  1. Finances

Unfortunately, money doesn’t grow on trees. Everything in this world costs a lot, and I know I’ll never have enough money for every single thing, but daycare is soooo expensive, especially if you don’t receive assistance.

I don’t have the luxury of a grandparent to stay home and watch my child all day, nor did I when my son was born. Now that my son is potty trained, in grade school, and pretty much self-sufficient I don’t know that I want to start all over having a baby and spending most of my salary on a babysitter. I love being able to spoil by son and throw him elaborate parties, take him on international vacations, etc., and I’m afraid that having a second child would strain my finances. I’d rather spoil my son and give him all things and experiences I had and didn’t have without straining the budget by adding an extra mouth to feed.

 

2. Time

I love being a mom, but it requires a lot of time to be a mom, breastfeed, work, run errands, go to school and do every and any other thing you can think off.  I barely have time now, so looking back I can only imagine what I was going through. With being a mom I really had to practice time management, which I’m still not that good at, but I’ve gotten better and still continue to do so. When I first got pregnant I was still in undergrad.

 

In fact, I was enrolled and classes had started when I gave birth to my son 3 weeks into the semester. Although I’m no longer in school, it took up most of my time.

I felt like I was in school and work so much that I never saw my baby. I would often cry that my son didn’t know me because, I felt like I was never around and, I would hate to spend more time away from son that I already have and do now. Especially with my son having a language deficit, it’s important for me to have time to focus on his development and school work.

 

3. Career

As your reading this and this next one, you may think I am selfish, but that is further from the truth. However, with this next one I have just worked so hard to establish my career.

 I have not only been the best mother I can, but I’ve managed everything from my personal life to career and am finally in a good place career wise. I am still young, I’m not even 30 yet and feel like I have more time to develop myself and career before having kids. Because, with finances and time, more than likely I would volunteer to stay home for the sake of my kids, pocketbook, and sanity.

4. The Joys of Pregnancy: NOT

Before I got pregnant I used to love babies, but now I just don’t look at them the same because I know all the hard work they come along with. I truly enjoyed my pregnancy though. I had no morning sickness, stretch marks, or complications (yes, I know lucky me lol). And, when my son was born he was the perfect baby, always sleeping in his crib, no colic, latching on, transitioning to formula after I stopped breastfeeding, always ate, just an angel. But, am I really ready to gain another 40lbs from the current fat I already have?  Do I want to risk having morning sickness, a screaming colic baby, or so many stretch marks that I look like a roadmap? I’m not sure. Plus I remember it was torture in the summertime while being pregnant. The swollen feet, nose, and hands. The waddling, constant urination (both laughing and not), sore boobs, heartburn, nausea, uncomfortable sleeping positions, the squeezing out of my car, and the random, sometimes crazy mood swings. Pregnancy is an amazing experience, but there are some things that are just not so joyful about it lol.

5. Marriage

I do believe in marriage, however I believe it has to be at the right time. I have been so busy and focused on other things that I am just not in a rush to pay for other people and long distance, third cousin removed family members to eat my food, not bring gifts or cheap ones, and have to plan a chaotic expensive day for the pleasure of others. However, if the time comes for me to have second child I would like to get married and not continue to have my children out of wedlock. I am definitely not judging, because umm hello, I clearly have a son out of wedlock, but my family is big on that growing up stemming from the line of the preacher’s kids (my grandmother is a preachers kid and all of her siblings). I am also a Christian which, technically states I should be wed before bearing children. So personally, I know it was wrong, but I love my son, he is still a blessing from God, but I’d like to do it the right way next time.  So, no offense to anyone who doesn’t want to get married or whatever their preference is. This is just something I want to personally do for myself.

6. It’s Just Not Happening

And honestly,  the truth is we haven’t not been trying or preventing a second pregnancy from happening, I just haven’t gotten pregnant again. I’ve heard it’s not uncommon to have difficult getting pregnant a second time. I’ve read that sometimes it’s harder to get pregnant with the second child than it is the first. So, I’m not doing anything to prevent it, and medically I have no conditions preventing it either. I’m just a firm believer that when the time is right God will bless me with another if or when he decides to.

So, those are my PERSONAL (strong emphasis on personal) feelings towards to getting pregnant for a second time. I don’t want anyone to think I’m judging all moms who have babies out of wedlock, are pregnant now, or a selfish b$#@%. Overall, I will handle whatever God throws my way, whether that be a second child or to just love and cherish the first and only one.

 

 

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