Hello loves! Welcome back to my blog! So, unfortunately 2018 isn’t really my year but, it’s not over yet so I’m claiming more good will and cane come out of it. This year has really been a year of lessons for me and one of those lessons is ridding myself of toxic people.
By all means I am not a perfect person but, for my growth it’s important for me to surround myself around positivity and like-minded individuals that are also trying to grow mind, body, and spirit. And, I realized that some of the people in my circle were dragging me down like an anchor. It’s like I’m trying to swim to the top and they are the anchor that’s holding me down, trying to sink me to the bottom. So, here are some of the ways I realized the toxic people in my life, what I’ve done to heal, and lessons I’ve learned.
How Did I Identify The Individuals Whom I Classify as Toxic Individuals?….. Some of the signs that maybe realize these individuals were toxic people for my life is the fact that they always seemed to get the best of me. Often times, making me lose my temper, dreading seeing them or spending time with because of the toxicity they bring through negative behavior. They are just a ball of negativity energy that will drain you of your happiness. For me these toxic individuals were also taking advantage of the relationship we shared often having feelings of entitlement, manipulating me to get things they want by trying to make me feel bad. But, even though I knew they were toxic I also wasn’t setting boundaries with these people either. Still allowing them to come around or talking to them even though I knew they were toxic, letting them make me feel like I was a “bad person” and how they were the victim, so they cannot not take accountability for their actions, . And, worst of all I was allowing these negative people around me to affect me so much that I was taking all of my anger and transgressions out on the people who love at home and that’s when I realized that the toxic people I surrounded myself with were no good for growth as person. I didn’t want to me angry all the time or allow another individual to bring me down because in my heart and mind I knew that I was better than that and have so much going for me that I cannot allow others to interfere with because of their own issues, self-absorbance, negativity, and misery they have with themselves. I could not be someone’s punching back for the issues they have within.
How Do You Rid Yourself of These Toxic Individuals?…. One of the best things you can do is to “SET BOUNDARIES”, something that I never did. If you’ve ever heard of the phrase, “you’ve gotta love people from a distance”, well that’s exactly what you need to. Love those toxic individuals from a distance. Sometimes toxic relationships can be with friends, family, and spouses so it can be difficult to completely let these people in your life that you love completely go, but I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to. You can set boundaries with them and not talk to them as much, not spend as much time with, and stay away from certain conversations. You can still call or text them to check on them but, now there are boundaries so you can not allow them to affect your personal space. But, each person has to decide for themselves if they want to set boundaries and love from a distance, if this is a temporary fix, or if you want to permanently remove these individuals from your life. It’s not easy with someone you love so it’s not an easy decision or one that should be taken lightly. However, it’s a decision that you and only you can make for yourself.
How Do I Feel Letting Go of These Toxic Individuals?….Sighs, I feel so much better! I truly feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel relieved, content, at peace, and overall just happier. Surprisingly though, I don’t feel sad. Instead, I feel like all of the poison they were instilling in me is now gone. Letting go helped me realize that I deserve to be happy, healthy, and live a life that I want for myself. I deserve to be loved, treated with respect, valued, and appreciated by my loved ones and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that. At times, I feel disappointed and that it’s just an unfortunate situation, wishing I could have a normal bond with that person and it puts me in an awkward situation because I share common connections with some of the same individuals within our circle, but I realized that I don’t have to surround myself with people who bring me down, try to undermine the things I’ve accomplished, and the good things God’s doing in my life. I can remain cordial, concerned, pray for them, and still love them without them always being physically around.
What Have I Learned Removing Toxic Individuals from My Life?….I’ve learned that I cannot help someone who doesn’t recognize they have internal issues they need to deal with if they think they have none, and that I cannot waste time trying to understand the rationale behind their actions. Instead, I’ve decided that they may never change and that’s okay but, I will just love them from a distance instead of hurting myself or their feelings by saying something out of anger, disappointment, or hurt. All I can do is pray for them and that they may find healing within themselves by turning to the Lord and maybe finding counseling to help them move forward to a better them.
I’ve also learned to not be an enabler. By not setting up boundaries and coming to there beck and call, still being their for them in ways you shouldn’t, letting them walk all over you, getting mad, them saying sorry when they just do all over it, and you accept it is enabling behavior. I realized I was not helping them realize they type of person they’ve become and how unacceptable their behavior is.
I also realized these toxic individuals can be fixed through prayer and healing, but I’m just not the right person to fix them or their behavior. It helped me understand the need to put myself and my family first before anyone. People will only treat you how you allow them to you and so that it’s our decision to say enough is enough and to remove ourselves from a toxic, unhealthy relationship.
So, if you’re a person that realizes that someone in your life is toxic to you, your well-being, and growth I hope this helps you make the decision to set up boundaries with that person or to remove them from your life. Again, this a decision that only you can make but, you have to think about what’s most important to you and how much you value your own happiness, joy, and health. You don’t have to completely remove them from your life but sometimes boundaries are best and tough love is the best love. But, I ask that you don’t become an enabler for his/her actions and allow them to treat you poorly because of their internal issues because it’s not fair to you. Don’t continue to make excuses for their behavior. You’re an awesome person who deserves to be loved, valued, and appreciated. Be brave to take a step in the right direction, strong enough to realize that although this will be hard to not break away and deviate from your decision, and courageous enough to choose YOU and be FREE.
Until next time, Love B<3.